Love. Love. Love.

It seems lately we all seemed to be focused on our love lives.
Maybe because its the beginning of Spring. Whether good or bad, the love scene is our top priority at the moment.
I want to be in love, But first I have to completely stop thinking about Michael. Sometimes I get that horrible feeling of regret. Sometimes I ask myself ‘what have i done?’
But I know it could never have worked. There is someone out there so much more deserving than him.

One day, I will be in love again. I will be happier than I was with Michael.
Michael is a memory, thats all he ever will be.

Anyways, I have my eye on a boy who Ive known for a while now, And I liked before I even met Michael. Im not going to rush into anything and my feelings for this guy arent exzactly that strong…yet.
But Im excited about the prospect of starting a new relationship.

Sometimes I feel pathetic, I spent the first 15 years of my life single, fat and ugly.
Now I can’t be single for a week without craving attention, and I get hit on all the time.
I think its all about confidence. If you think you look good, you send out messages to other people and they think you look good.
My psychologist often tells me that.

Its funny how Ive become so involved in love, a few years ago I swore to myself that Id never be the type to worry about boys and cry over them, or wear makeup and be all girly.
Now Im the epitome of girly, and I love it!
I guess its what puberty does to you…

I hope things work out for me, I think the best thing for me to do (even though I despise the idea of it) is to take some time out being single and just figure myself out.
Even though I hate being single because, well Im not sure.
I like the attention while im capable of getting it
Seeings as for pretty much the whole of my life up until a year ago I was butt ugly, fat and boring.

I need some hobbies to take my mind off love then, and all my friends seem pre-occupied with their blossuming or decaying love lives that I just never get the time to hang out with them unless their bragging about their lover or crying over what a jerk he was.

I feel better when I blog, Its definately a great place to vent.

Pass me the tissues

I cant sleep because I just keep crying, I feel like Im breaking down.
Im so hurt and angry.
The anger has just multiplied so much over the last couple of hours.

Im so angry at Michael because he rejected me. I felt I wasnt as good as his girlfriend was. And that hurt my ego.
But Im even more angry at how much he lead me on, he promised we’d be togethor, he promised.
But all along it was a lie, all those times I was asking for him back he was just fucking this bronwyn critter and telling me “we’ll be togethor baby, when im ready. Let me sort my life out”
I put in so much effort to get him back, waiting in the cold for hours and crying on his doorstep. Writing him messages. Thinking of the things I’d do when we were togethor. But it all just got thrown back in my face.

He had no intention of being with me and was just using me all along.
I feel stupid, I feel hurt, I feel angry.
I wish Id stop thinking about it but I cant right now, I want to go to his house and hurt him so much.
I want him to say sorry to me, I want him to tell me he’s a prick. I want an apology for being such a waste of space.
I want him to tell me he’s horrible.

I just dont know what to do anymore
Its been over 3 months of him and me not being togethor and yet he’s still the major person in my life.
There isnt any love left. But there is just so much hurt and pain that i wasnt good enough.
Me, the girl that he had for over 9 months. Who is 10 times more attractive and interesting than his girlfriend of 2 months couldnt get back.

Thats what hurt me so much. It really got to me.

And now im balling my eyes out.
I wish I wouldnt think of him, why did I have to meet him.
Why did I ever fall in love with him.

All this wouldnt be happening if I never went out with him.

Fucking hell, I hate his guts and yet Im crying so much over him.
He’s destroyed me.

He never even cared. I was nothing. NOTHING!
My first love and I was nothing to him.

I hate him
I hate him

Fuuckkk WHY???

I never want this to happen to me again

It hurts

I will hurt you like you hurt me

I thought I was doing fine without him.
He wasnt meaning anything.

Until I read unread messages from him, I put all the pieces togethor.
He’s a fucking decieving liar!
If I ever see him again I promise i’ll kick him where it hurts and slap him hard in the face.
I think i could literally kill him right now.
I can feel the adrenaline pumping, I want to scream.

 

HOW DARE YOU DO THIS TO ME!

I will get my revenge!

I will destroy you, just like what you did to me. I will hurt you. I will make you cry this time.
Michael fucking Carney, I want to make you scream!

I am crazy!
Im going to post the video of you jacking it on youtube and send the link to all your friends!
LIAR!
You get everything you deserve!
Stay with your pathetic ugly girlfriend! She’s the best you can do!

I fucking hate you!

This time, It wil be YOU suffering!

I honestly cant describe the anger Im feeling for you right now!

Im going to continue making your life hell til Im satisfied you know what it feels like to hurt!
HOW FUCKING DARE YOU

 

Bring it bitch, Ive got so much shit on you your going to  be scared to leave your room.
Hope you fucking die arsehole.

Weetbix and love

I took the day off school today, its the deb and all the year 11′s will be getting ready for it. So I dont see much point in going.

Yesturday I saw my ex. Yes, my fucking horrible ex. And I messaged him telling him that I saw his ugly fat face. As much as I hate him. I dont think Im over him.

Well, not completely. I still have to tell myself not to go lurking his friends comments. And that im so much better than that piece of shit. But I dont miss him at all.
He makes me so angry.
Especially because he chose some ugly fat fuckwit over me, his girlfriend of 9 months who was willing to do anything for him.

I suppose its his loss, right?

RIGHT!

Im going to make some man sooo happy and I wont even remember his name.
Actually, right now I feel like going out with one of his friends and going to a party looking super hot so he sees what his missing out on.
FUCK I hate him.
Just thinking about him makes me want to slam the keyboard and throw it across the room.
GRRR!!

The hate I have for him is astounding!!

Please don’t leave me

Sometimes we feel like giving up, sometimes we get a little down and sometimes our families make decisions we arent all too happy about.
I know two very special people, twins in fact. Who have given up, and are so down that the possibility of them ever seeing a normal life looks slim. Although its all I want for them.
Their family plays an important role, and unfortunately for them. They can’t choose their family.

They have been through more than most people would in a life time.
And I hate knowing theyre sleeping all alone locked up in the psych ward.

They are my best friends, Ive stood by them. Held their hand and cried with them.
The last time I saw them I was taking them to the doctor because of the blood, there was so much blood.

Im so scared theyre going to give up entirely. One day Im going to get that call.
It feels like its just a matter of time.

I love them so much.
Its as if they were a part of my family.

There are so many memories, good memories. Its what i want it to be again.
They dont deserve the life they have.

FUCK HIM!

Nine months of loving, caring commitment. I ended it. Why? well, to be completely totally honest. He was sometimes the biggest ahole anybody could possibly imagine. AND I thought I could do better.
But a boyfriend and 4 months later we started talking again.
Butterflies fluttered around in my tummy. The sexual tension was incredible. We spent weeks talking on msn. It was love all over again. Forbidden love. He had a girlfriend, I had a boyfriend.

One afternoon, when I was sick of just talking on msn, I decided to visit him. Biggest mistake ever? or Am I glad?
I sat in the cold for over an hour on the side of the road, balling my eyes out.
I had enough of waiting for him and went to his house, sat on his front step and listened to him swearing at me. I was bleeding, I was crying. The pain inside was incredible.

I cant tell you much about what happened next, I think my mind wont allow me to remember. But I do remember crying on the bus the way home. The school kids were staring at me and snot was dripping out my nose.

I got home, and thats it.
I dont remember.

A week later, here I am.
Stronger than before. Me and that fuckwit no longer talk. He’s girlfriend found out about the cheating. But the stupid girl is still with him.
Me and the fuckhead had many fights over email.
I was heartbroken, lead on, squished like a bug on the pavement.

Ive had enough of his bullshit
He will regret it, one day.